Archive for Putrid Prose
A Little Toilet Humor
Posted by: | Comments
Seen inside a public toilet stall:
- Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. (My sons do that… and our toilet works.)
On a readerboard outside a pre-school:
- This sign intentionally left blank, just like your child’s mind. (Should parents interpret this as a compliment or an insult?)
In an office break room:
- After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. (That’ll help the caffeine go directly to your head.)
In a London department store:
- Bargain Basement Upstairs (Is that like going up the down staircase?)
In our elementary school’s newsletter:
- Sharing reasons not to smoke with your child (I don’t know about you, but I insist that my kids smoke by themselves.)
From an author’s “elevator pitch” for his new book:
- It is great in deed; you can oder it. (This author’s humble prose stinks.)
Share some of your faves!
Passed vs. Past
Posted by: | Comments
I was helping an author revise the bio that would appear on his book’s back cover. Here’s the copy he sent me:
I have been a widower since 1978, when my wife pasted away from cancer, we had 11 children of which 3 have past away.
We’ll ignore the run-on and jump straight to this sentence’s sticky issue: past/passed.
Use “past” when referring to a period of time that has gone by:
- In my past, I was married and had 11 children.
Use “passed” when referring to the action of passing:
- My wife passed away…
- Three of my children have passed away…
One does not paste away from cancer… paste is an adhesive.
Idle Hands are the Buzzard’s Tools
Posted by: | Comments
Enjoy these bloopers from book manuscripts I’ve edited:
The buzzard sounded and the basketball game commenced.
- If the game gets out of hand, the buzzard can referee, too!
Standing at her kitchen sink, Lisa’s idle hands rested in the warm sudsy water.
- Those hands just can’t decide whether to stand or sit.
Scott noticed the dreamy look that entranced his dishwasher.
- My dishwasher gets that dreamy look, too, especially when I add dishes that formerly held ice cream sundaes.
Sailing high through the air, our eyes followed the kick.
- And our eyes scored a field goal each, resulting in a score of 15-0.
Jared broke the water’s trance after a minute of silence.
- Mystical water, indeed.
Stretching her thin arms and arching her back, she let out an extensive yarn.
- I’ve heard of passing gas… but passing yarn? Ouch!
How to Write Back Cover Copy
Posted by: | CommentsMany editors advise authors: “Don’t write the back cover copy for your own book.”
Why?
Because you’re too close to your content, and it’s hard for you to write objectively. Case in point (from actual, unretouched back cover copy I was assigned to edit):
The author’s fertile imagination, coupled with his considerable knowledge and research, take you into an arena of conflict and holds you there, unable to extricate yourself until the end.
In addition to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure issues, this copy has two major problems:
1. It focuses on the author, not on the book’s content.
Note the phrases, “author’s fertile imagination” (how pretentious!), “considerable knowledge and research” (ditto).
Readers assume every author has a fertile imagination, considerable knowledge about the subject matter, and a knack for researching. When you tell us how great you are, it makes you sound amateurish.
2. The copy uses hundred dollar words.
- “arena of conflict” (I feel like a Roman gladiator preparing to fight for my life)
- “unable to extricate yourself” (…from my gladiator costume, perhaps?)
Instead of crucifying his copy with hoity-toity phrases, the author should have enticed us with a description of his book’s major conflict.
Here are a few must-do tips for writing back cover copy:
- Visit a bookstore or library and read the back covers of best-selling books in your genre. There’s a reason why these books are best-sellers – back cover copy is the second thing book buyers look at to help them make a buying decision (the front cover is first).
- Note words and phrases that grab your attention – that make you want to buy the book
- Note what information is included… and what isn’t.
- Count the number of words on the back cover. Notice how few words there are?
- Note how the words are arranged (several short paragraphs, bullet points, sound bites)
- Note whether the copy includes an excerpt from a review, or an endorsement from someone well known.
Your turn! If you’re brave enough for a critique, add the back cover copy for your new book to the Comments area of this post. We and our readers will give you our two cents worth.
